As a child, I was terrified of finger-prick blood tests. So much so that I would keep a mental calendar, counting down the days until my next annual checkup. I dreaded it. As the date drew nearer, it would consume my thoughts. No matter what my parents tried to tell me - “look the other way” or “it doesn’t hurt” or “it’ll be over quickly” I’d still freak out. I have memories of my mom chasing me around the doctor’s office to hold me still for the test.
Then as a teenager, the tests just stopped. I grew out of them and graduated into blood drawn from the arm, but I never grew out of the fear. Instead, I grew into it.
20 years passed and the fear worsened. The memories of these experiences burned into my mind. It became a self-diagnosed phobia. It got so bad that I would become physically nauseous during films like Gattaca - a world in which every doorway was marked by a quick DNA test with a prick of the finger. This was truly my dystopian nightmare.
I knew that the fear was unfounded, but I couldn’t help it.
Fast-forward to last week when I tested positive for COVID19. After 10 days in isolation without symptoms, I tested negative with a nasal swab and was free to re-enter society. I didn’t NEED the antibody test (a finger prick), but I knew it would offer me useful information if I could go through with it. Beyond that, I saw it as an opportunity, a reason to finally face the fear after all of these years.
I scheduled the test for Sunday and anticipated it for days. Yesterday morning, I woke up 2 hours early to prepare myself. I went for a walk, did some affirmations and breathwork, adjusted the setting, and played calming music. But when the nurse arrived, I was still freaking out - none of it worked. I laid there for around 15 minutes while the nurse patiently waited for me to give her my hand, which was firmly clenched into a fist on my chest. Not only was I terrified, but I was ashamed. There I was, a 32-year-old man, acting like a child in front of this nurse who puts her own health on the line to administer hundreds of these each week.
She finally grew tired of waiting and kindly offered to come back later.
“No way, we have to do this now,” I said.
So I sucked it up, looked the other way, clenched my teeth, and…
“Alright, that’s it, it’s over.”
I literally felt NOTHING. No needle, there wasn’t even visible blood on the bandaid (Yes, I asked her to put on a bandaid, I get it, I’m soft).
I’ll tell you what though, as ridiculous as this dramatic phobia may sound, when she left I was overwhelmed by a wave of joy. I had slain the dragon, moved through the fear, and in the end, that’s all it was - fear. The test itself was a nothing-burger.
I expect that next time around, it won’t be as hard.
So what monsters have you created that no longer deserve your attention? What is your finger-prick blood test?
There’s no better time than now to it head-on. If you wait 20 years, it will only get worse.
And I’m happy to share with you, that on the other side of that fear is pure joy.
This Week’s Podcast:
Scaling Empathy with Paul Chen, Cofounder of Flourish Tech & Dr. Karen Yeh, Psy D
“As psychologists, it’s not a rockstar model, we can’t reach 10,000 people with one go. We have to work closely one on one with the patients and their families.”
While the COVID-19 pandemic escalates through its second wave, there is another masked epidemic sweeping through our country that may be equally as damaging.
One in four American adults is suffering from depression since the pandemic began. Nearly 10% of youth in America have severe major depression, as the number of children aged 11-17 seeking care for severe anxiety and depression is on the rise. With this increase in depression comes an increase in the number of suicides in our country, now the second leading cause of death for Americans aged 10-34.
An estimated 50-60 million Americans suffer from depression, but there are only 100-300k mental health professionals equipped to support them.
My guests on this podcast believe the solution to this problem lies in scaling empathy. That is why they are building Flourish Tech an empathy training technology that encourages and empowers individuals to support their loved ones who are suffering.
If you or your loved one struggles with depression, know that you are not alone and there are new tools available for you to help make an impact.
What I’m Reading
Ideas
The State of Mental Health in America - 2021
The Pratfall Effect, Brendan Gahan
Governance Minimization, Fred Ehrsam & Dan Robinson
Startups & Technology
Why Federated Learning is Important, Robert Miller
Tony Hsieh, Zappos Luminary Dies at 46
Markets
SPACS Might Transform Deep Tech VC, Peter Hebert
AAA Bonds Tumbling As China Default Fears Spread, Bloomberg
Election 2020
Trump Tells Pennsylvania Legislator Election Rigged (Hour 2:06)
Crypto
Industry Weighs in on Rumors of New Crypto Wallet Regulations, Coindesk
The Defi Stack, Spencer Applebaum @ Multicoin Capital
So You Want to Use a Price Oracle, Sam Sun
The Ultimate ETH 2 Staking Guide
Thank you for reading this edition of the Look Up! Weekly. If you like this newsletter, please share it with your friend:
If you haven’t signed up yet and would like to receive Look Up! Weekly directly to your inbox, you can subscribe here:
Or follow me on Twitter:
As always, feel free to reach out with feedback, guest recommendations, and ideas for future posts and episodes.